Ian Levi




Posted on September 7, 2021 at 1:35 PM

Ik voel een gigantische shivering, vanuit mijn onderrug gaan al mijn haren recht overeind staan. Ik krijg het plotseling warm en koud tegelijk. Dan voel ik vanachter twee armen om me heen. Ik draai me om en kijk Mary recht in haar donkere ogen.

Ze blijft diep en indringend kijken. Ze leest me ‘van top tot teen’. Ik kan niet bewegen. Dan hoor ik haar zeggen, zonder dat ze het zegt ‘Mooi mens’. De echo van die twee woorden zal ik nooit vergeten. De Ierse heks heeft gesproken. Mary is de zus van de beste vriend van Anton, John.


Anton, enige maanden geleden...


Soms vaar ik naar Ierland. Alleen in mijn oude vertrouwde boot.

Als niemand kijkt.

Langs de wadden, op de vloedlijn, leg ik nog even aan.

Ik help mijn gabbertjes. Ik krab de schelpen van hun buik.

De zeehonden zijn blij.

Vol gas vaar ik naar het Noordwesten, deinend over de golven.

Ik maak een tussenstop in Schotland, bij Kinnloch Hourn en

slaap in het boothuisje van John. Mijn gabber die er niet meer is.

Over de heuvels wandel ik naar Loch Quoich.

Herinneringen komen terug. Een traan loopt onder mijn zonnebril door.

Ik vang hem op met mijn tong. De smaak is zilt.

De herten komen aanlopen. Het is stil.

Precies het momentje wat ik zocht.

‘Het is zoals het is, het gaat zoals het gaat’.

Accepteren en loslaten kunnen één van de krachtigste eigenschappen van de mens zijn.

Als je later terug kijkt denk je: ‘Het heeft zo moeten zijn’.

Hou je taai kerel!

‘Thanks Mary, lief zusje van John, 4 bringing me here again’.

©Anton Kruisberg




Mary heeft die sprankeling in haar ogen, ‘forever young’ sprankeling. Ze is zeker mijn leeftijd, misschien wel ouder. Ik weet het niet en het interesseert me ook geen fuck. Ze is mooi. De tand des tijds staan in schril contrast met haar jeugdige blik en uitstraling. Ik ken haar reputatie, gehoord van Flip, Anton en Ian. ‘Laat haar maar schuiven’ of ‘ze heeft altijd gelijk’. Mary is een monster van het onderbewustzijn. Ze leest, kijkt en weet.

We gaan naast elkaar aan de picknicktafel zitten. Ze wrijft over mijn linker onderarm en staart glimlachend naar de ondergaande zon. Dan stopt haar hand met wrijven en blijft precies onder mijn ellenboog, op de staart van de zeemeermin tattoo, die tot op de kop van mijn schouder te zien is. ‘Nadine’ zegt ze. Ik slik.



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